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"What Have I Done"

The moment I clicked 'confirm booking' I felt two things simultaneously. A rush of excitement so powerful I actually punched the air in my kitchen. And then, approximately four seconds later, a wave of absolute terror that made me sit down and stare at the wall for a good three minutes.


I had just booked to climb Kilimanjaro. Africa's highest mountain. 5,895 metres. I am 49 years old. I have a bad knee, a gym membership I use with what I would generously describe as 'inconsistent enthusiasm', and a hiking wardrobe that currently consists of one pair of walking boots I bought for a weekend in the Lake District six years ago.


What I do not have is any business whatsoever being on a mountain that size. And yet. Here we are.


My partner's reaction was not what I would call overwhelmingly supportive. There was a long pause. The kind of pause that speaks volumes. Followed by: "You can barely manage the stairs after leg day."


Which, for the record, is both accurate and extremely unhelpful.


I found Vertical Sky after what I can only describe as a three-hour internet spiral that began with 'easy hikes near me' and somehow ended with 'is Kilimanjaro dangerous for unfit people in their late forties.'The answer, reassuringly, is broadly no — provided you go with the right people, take the right route, and don't do anything catastrophically stupid.


I have booked the Lemosho Route. Eight days. Apparently this is the sensible choice. Longer

acclimatisation, better scenery, higher success rate. The Vertical Sky team were patient, thorough, and did not laugh once when I admitted that my current fitness regime consists mainly of walking to the coffee shop and back.


They gave me a 12-week training plan. I looked at it. I made a cup of tea. I looked at it again. Then I put my boots on and walked around the block, which felt like a reasonable start.

Twelve weeks to go. One slightly anxious, moderately unfit, entirely determined wannabe adventurer.


Let's see how this goes.


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